Is There a Normal Number for Having Sex?

No. In fact, more sex is never a sign of a better union. But the quality of sex encourages stronger bonds. Between 1989 and 2014, there was a study of sexual behavior using over 26,000 subjects. The results got published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. It revealed couples on average had sex once a week, or 54 times a year.

Not surprisingly, age played a big part in frequency. Couples in their 20s engaged about 80 times annually with the number dropping to 20 for 60+ couples. We must also take into account what “sex” means in terms of personal tastes. It’s a broad spectrum that encompasses various acts and preferences. So, the idea of what sex is differentiates from couple to couple and person to person.

Improving Your Sex Life

While dry spells are a normal part of any relationship, it’s still no consolation for couples experiencing one. Regardless of how often you have sex, it should be enjoyable. Do that and you’re on the right path to even more sex. Improving the quality will improve the quantity and is possible via a few easy approaches to engagement, such as:

Minimize Stress

Stress and sex are linked in several ways. Most of us instinctively know this and feel it unmistakably when a particularly stressful week or two. Stress is a couple’s biggest obstacle. Whether it’s the result of your professional or personal life, stress decreases your libido. You must find healthy ways to blow off steam, including having sex. The activity is a great de-stressor. Having an orgasm doesn’t just buy us a few minutes or hours of tranquility. Regular sex might reduce tension in the long-term, lowering our baseline levels of stress.

Explore Your Sexual Potential

Long-term relationships do see a drop in bedroom encounters due to familiarity. You must never assume there’s nothing new to learn about each other or yourself. New positions, open communication, toys, and fantasies are invaluable assets. In that same vein, sometimes you may feel like everyone is having better sex than you or feel guilty for not being interested in something spicy. Your sexual interests do not have to align with everyone else’s.

Sync Sex Drives

Prioritize and schedule sex, even if it means having more or less sex. Find a cooperative medium to meet each other’s needs without forcing your desires on your partner. Not to make sex seem like one more task on your crazy-busy to-do list, but like anything else worth taking care of—your body (the gym), your friendships (girl time), your pets (feed them!)—your sex life deserves its own time bracket. Touch each other as if having sex were not your goal. In other words, don’t say hi, then stick your tongue in his ear. Gentle, nonsexual touching also increases comfort levels because it reassures both people that every physical gesture isn’t necessarily going to lead to sex. Those touches add up though and the more familiarity of touch is hardwired the more each of you will gravitate to it.

“Normal” is whatever feels fulfilling for you and your partner, and communication plays a key role in making sure both parties feel fulfilled. The number to aim for is once per week if you’re in a committed relationship. This is less than what couples claimed in the 1990s. Studies over a 40 year time period have found that once weekly frequency was the Goldilocks standard for happiness. Couples who had sex more than once a week didn’t report being any happier, and those who had sex less than once a week reported feeling less fulfilled. Sexual intimacy is vital in any relationship, and not just for the sensual pleasure of it all. Just don’t feel that you have to put a number on it. Now get out there and have some sex tonight.