This Common Assumption Is Keeping You From Having Better Sex
Before I started having sex, I always pictured it ending the exact same way. The guy comes, and then it’s over. I didn’t even necessarily picture myself having an orgasm at the end. I just knew that when he was done, we were done. That’s how I thought sex worked. It’s what I’d seen in movies — where the sex scenes ended with the guy rolling off the girl. It’s the way it was in porn, too. Every scene ended in a money shot or a creampie. And it’s sort of what everyone implied whenever they talked about sex, described sex, made jokes about sex, or complained about bad sex. When I started having sex, it played out pretty much like I expected it would. Guys would fuck me until they came and that would be the end of it. Looking back, it’s not a surprise that the only time I had an orgasm is when I dry humped my date until I got one.
Needless to say, I wasn’t having amazing sex back then. But I don’t really blame the guys for it. Maybe some of them were selfish. But for the most part, I think they just grew up with the same version of sex I had — that it was all about penetration and ended as soon as the guy came.
That’s still a really pervasive idea and it has a lot of sticking power. I’m older now and know better, but I still catch myself falling for that assumption sometimes. There are times when my husband comes first and I have to remind myself that we can keep going, that it’s not done just because he had an orgasm. I might even feel a twinge of guilt for not bringing everything to a complete halt.
There’s just something about him coming that feels final.
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