Hotel rooms are known for sex. Far from your everyday home routine, a new place can spark excitement about trying other experiences. For couples wanting to explore a threesome or being with another couple, it’s a safer setting. Others just want to get away from it all, relax, and let it happen.

Whatever your goal is, simply booking a room doesn’t guarantee the steamy romp you desire. Dr. Christina McDowell, a sex therapist, certified through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, is here to push us to think beyond step-by-step sex to the erotic journey that’s a far better trip than the one to your hotel.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby

McDowell calls out the toxic myth that great sex must be spontaneous and unspoken. Instead, conversation builds expectation, hopefulness, and excitement.

“It’s really nice for couples just to talk about what qualities they would like to experience,” says McDowell. “What type of vibe do you want to create? Do you want to try new things? Do you want romance? Do you want kink? Thrill? A sense of awe? Do you want to explore energetics, like tantra?”

Fun surprises are still possible, but communication around expectations and desires reduces misunderstanding. If one person wants to explore a new fantasy and the other hopes to relax with “vanilla sex,” both are likely to be disappointed.

Picking the Perfect Setting

Resorts are popular choices, and there are several hotels geared towards romance and sex. What you’re looking for will depend on what you want to experience and your general aesthetic. Wherever you go, don’t overlook the details. Not only how large the bed is but how high is it? What other furniture is there, and what are the textures? How large is the shower? Do you want a tub? How much countertop is there?

If you’re a bit nervous about the noise, remember older hotels tend to have thinner walls unless otherwise specified. If you want more privacy, request a room away from the elevator and as few shared walls as possible. Hotels are not shocked by people that want a good space for sex.